Managing Toddler Tantrums: Understanding and Calming Your Child’s Emotions

Effective Strategies for Navigating Tantrums with Patience and Care

Children exploring the outdoor garden at The Mulberry Bush, Waterlooville

A tantrum is a form of communication – They might be trying to tell you:

they’re overwhelmed
they can’t manage something
they don’t understand what’s happening.

Your child may shout, scream, cry, kick, hit or bite.

The first time a tantrum happens, it can be upsetting and stressful but having a temper tantrum is a normal part of toddler life. It can take many times for a young child to remember what is expected of them because their brains are developing. At this age, they don’t have much control over their impulses.

Steps you can take when a tantrum happens:

Young girl in pyjamas holding her head during a tantrum

1) Let your child know you understand how they feel

You could say: “It looks like you’re feeling really cross/upset/excited/tired.”

2) Let your child know that you’re trying to understand the reason they feel that way

You could say: “It’s been ages since you had anything to eat/a sleep.” Or: “You were really looking forward to playing with that toy.”

3) Try to work out something that will help

There might be a reason for your toddler’s tantrum that you can identify and address, for example, they’re hungry, they feel uncomfortable or they are worried about something.

And sometimes, you know the reason for their tantrum but something else, such as a hug or distraction, may help to calm them down.

There might be times when you can’t identify the reason for a tantrum, but you can try a few different things to help calm them. You could:

Create a distraction using something like a book.
Draw their attention to something else happening nearby.
If they’re angry, tell them you know how they feel.
Show you’re listening to them by repeating their words back to them.
Stay close by and make sure they’re safe.
Use a calm voice to talk to your child. Your child is far more likely to listen to you if you’re in control. Shouting will only make you angrier and upset your child.
Stay calm – As hard as it can be to do, when your child is in a full-blown tantrum, you have to do the opposite.

Remember you are not alone – tantrums are a very normal part of child development and there are many other parents experiencing exactly the same!